Category: Daily Blog

On Tuesday of this week, I got a great chance to hang out with one of my closest friend’s fiancé, Moe.  His story is like many of ours; He came to a big city that he had never been with only so much money to create something new for his life.  His story is different when it comes to the details.  That’s where all of our stories get different. 

Moe drove to Las Vegas with barely enough money to get him there and live.  What he was leaving was his family, his life, and everything he knew for a city he had only seen in pictures and on film.  With no idea what he was going to find, he arrived and thankfully found a job quickly.  He used his police workforce experience to get him in the door but then quickly found himself in the restaurant business because of his family background.

Growing up with an Italian background in New York, Moe was working by making Cappuccinos and cannolis.  So, when approached to help open a new Italian restaurant in the northern part of Las Vegas known as Summerlin, he became eager to get back into the food industry and get his culinary skills back into practice.  That was what solidified him as a full time resident of Las Vegas.

Las Vegas isn’t the easiest city to get used to.  It is a way of living that takes time.  When moving here, you realize that there is an enormous life force that has nothing to do with the strip. That all of these communities surrounding the strip have their own stories and have people from all over the world that moved to the city for their own, very specific reasons. 

Mine was unknown, even to me.  I moved to Las Vegas because there was a little voice in me that screamed I need a change.  I was twenty one, didn’t really know a thing about the real world, and had a good solid logical brain on my shoulders.  I figured it would get me somewhere. 

For me, getting used to the walls were difficult. Las Vegas is such a new city, because of housing areas, small community specific rules, and not knowing exactly would be built next door when the land was bought, walls got built everywhere.  Walls to keep people in, keep people out, keep the influence of Las Vegas at a distance.  One of the influences being the gambling, you never realize how it is part of the culture until you move there.

For those of you who have never been to Vegas, or have but have never ventured off the strip, you then don’t really know what place gambling has in the culture of Nevada.  Not only does gambling keep the economy going, but it makes it so there is no state tax.  The casinos are able to bring in so much money, that there is no reason for a state tax.  The casinos also help in the communities.  This isn’t necessarily a large contribution in the community but they do sometimes offer financial assistance.  What they do offer is high paying jobs to help keep the people of Las Vegas not always needing to question what is wrong with the casinos and their relationship to state and local government.  That relationship should be questioned then because it affects the school system, the housing market, and the medical system.  The content I was able to get over the last week goes more into that.

The gambling aspect of the culture that I personally was shocked by though was that it was everywhere:  Not only in the casinos, but in the gas stations, grocery stores, bars, and laundromats.  For a local, you really have the opportunity to gamble anywhere you would like.  How does the line then get drawn between good for the economy and bad for the locals?  That though, when you move to Las Vegas, quickly just gets put in the background because there is so much happening off the strip.

In Las Vegas though, I really got to grow into an adult and discover who I was.  Till the day I die, I will call Las Vegas one of my homes.  Moe built an entire life in Vegas.  He has children now and his oldest is a freshman in college.  I heard him talk to her on the phone and just by hearing how much he misses her and loves her. I can see that there was never any mistake in moving to Las Vegas and creating this life.

 His fiancé Beth, who happens to be like a sister to me, also moved to Las Vegas shortly after I did for her own reason.  At the time, she was in a relationship with someone else that ended after they moved here together.  Even though she gets homesick, I don’t think she is upset she moved to Vegas because she now also has a very wonderful life.  She is in love with someone who holds her on a pedestal, has the family, and is in a successful career which she is now furthering her education to grow more in that career. 

Even though Las Vegas has so much going on with it, there is still the same reason why people move to Las Vegas, because it is the definition of the American Dream.  It is a place that provides opportunity, throws you out of your comforts zone and is a blank palette for anything to happen.  Thank you Moe for that wonderful day that helped me remember what it means to be in Las Vegas and why Vegas is so important when it comes to America’s landscape.

Last Thursday I went out with a few friends before I left L.A.  I was just out to get a last night in the L.A. scene, so didn’t really think that I was going to do any focus on Project Kinect.  Well, it is a part of me now and it was inevitable.  I was introduced to these two guys that have been in their relationship for what one of them said was nine hundred years.  In reality, it’s only been 9 but time is really subjective.  Either way, these two men came off as what one can only define by hopelessly in love. 

As we got talking, I learned that the one had been married to a woman for some time in his years.  Him and his ex-wife are still best friends and she is an enormous part of both of the men’s lives.  They want on to show me all of the wacky and well put together Halloween costumes that she has put together for the three of them.   They have been successful in still leading lives full of love. 

I also asked them how they met. They thought I asked where they met and that lead the conversation into a completely different direction. The previously married one shouted out “The Revolving Door”.  I had no idea where or what that was but I found out.

Apparently, in the later part of the seventies, there was such a high crime rate in West Hollywood that all the bars really had to protect themselves with double pained glass bricks and bullet proof doors.  In order to make sure that the wrong people didn’t come in to the establishments, The Revolving Door actually put a revolving door in place to make sure that the patrons in the bar were protected.  

The revolving door has so much in this story.  Obviously one metaphor is the idea that we have to through revolving doors to know who we are in life.  We don’t just start off in life with the plan to how our lives are going to get from point A to point B.  In the life of our new friends here, the one fell in love with a woman before he really knew what he wanted and yearned for.  He still was able to keep the love of his ex-wife and made it work.

The other metaphor is that we need the revolving door around in order to keep something secret until the rest of society can begin to understand what the secret really means.  Fortunately, we have come a long ways from days where even in large cities, in open neighborhoods, homosexuals feared for their lives.  The Revolving Door is now a bar called East West that very open to the public with a large patio along a street full of other bars that are just as open with even larger outdoor patios.  That is a very comforting feeling.

Tonight I had the opportunity to see the play Take Me Out.  If you’ve never seen it, it is about a major league baseball player who comes out as a homosexual during his career and the effects this had on his team, the sport, and his personal relationships.  I love this play for its relationship with the game of baseball.  Towards the end of the first act, one of the main characters, Mason Marzac, compares the game of baseball to democracy.  The relationship between the series of three’s, the no clock holding things into a limited commitment, and the juries that guard each base that can change a call at a whim.

Later he talks about how in baseball, when there is a home run, the batter will still run the bases, but as a trot or promenade.  We already know the outcome. We know the ball is never coming back, but the bases still get ran.  In baseball time doesn’t matter so the players have the time to celebrate in the middle of the game.  They have that opportunity.  This opportunity often gets missed in daily life.  We don’t always celebrate our victories when they occur and we need to because it gives the people around us a chance to celebrate with us and show their support.  This also motivates competition and if there is no competition, then we don’t move forward.  Competition allows for advancement in science, art, music, technology and about every other forum that assists in a society moving forward. 

So, the focus of this is celebrate the victories and having some sort of competetive drive is healthy.   Remember this every day.  It will help keep focus and actually put a smile on your face from time to time.

For the last couple weeks, I’ve been staying at my friend Dina’s house while I finish up my last month at Starbucks.  Since then, I’ve become mesmerized by this woman that rides the bus with me at about 6:30am.  She gets on the bus, says the brightest hello to the driver and continues this until she finds herself comfortable in a seat where she then continues to address the person next to her like they were childhood friends.  I can talk to pretty much everyone, and make them feel at ease when I do, but the technique that this woman displays is magnificent.  Yesterday, I finally said hello.

I learned that her name is Diane and that she is a crossing guard for a school in Westwood.  In addition to that she is going to school at night so she can become a CNA in order to make a little bit of money while the schools are closed for the summer.  She laughed when she told me because it isn’t so much that she needs the money, but just wants to have something to do.  Diane is 60 years old and she insists that in order to know she is still alive, she just wants to keep moving.  She feels that the only thing that you can do in life is keep moving forward and remember that if you’re not fighting things, then its time for a reality check.  If you’re not fighting, then you’re not challenging yourself and you’re not finding the spice of life.  You are then just living the motions of each day until you crawl into a hole.   Diane made my day that morning, and I imagine that she makes it for majority of the people who ride the bus with her…. Even if they think “Why is she always so happy?”

Today I stopped by The Cheesecake Factory to see one of my old managers.  Unfortunately he wasn’t there, but we did get a chance to meet our server.  Her name is Crystal and she is from Nashville.  She is in between her undergraduate degree and going to med school.  When I asked her why Los Angeles, she replied, “because I wanted to move somewhere with lots of different people and I wasn’t going to a cold climate”

We then got onto talking about the people of L. A. Coming from somewhere in the middle of the country, that happens to be a bit smaller than Los Angeles, one of the first things you notice is how the people act.  Some will use the word rude, but I prefer to say they like to stay in their space.  Some do come off rude and it is completely different for each person.  For Crystal, she mostly noticed it waiting tables. 

I then asked her if she had met quality people yet.  Keeping in mind she hasn’t been out here too long, she said that she had met a lot of great people, but hasn’t really found that core group.  For me personally, it sometimes happens quickly, and sometimes it doesn’t happen at all. 

She mentioned that she had lost her father not to recently and that is really how she noticed that point.  She went home for a while and was with her support system and is now back here, working through it.  Dina was with me and she could empathize because she too has gone through that loss.  I can’t comprehend going through that, even though it is life and we all eventually pass.

When I think of parents passing, I think of that episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t purposely mean to throw pop culture into this conversation, but sometimes it is relevent.  The episode that I’m thinking of is the one where George’s father passes away and the only one that can really say anything meaningful to him is Christina.  She names it the “Dead Dads Club”  and it sucks, and you never want to be in it, but when you’re in it, you’re in it.  You can only be in it, and you have to just cope. 

This post is dedicated to everyone who has lost a parent, and what it means to be in those particular clubs.  May we all meet our loved ones again some day and hope that they are at peace.

On Monday, as I was riding the bus home from work, on my way to pack the rest of my belongings to put into storage, the bus I was in was in the middle of a large accident.  We were sitting at the bus stop at a typical busy Los Angeles intersection, and all of a sudden, the bus shook.  When I looked over my shoulder, I saw that a truck had flipped and slammed up against the bus.  In the truck was an older gentlemen, trapped because the passenger side of his truck had been crushed and his side was tight, up against our bus. 

I got up immediately grabbed my phone and dialed 911.  While I was on hold, I watched as a handful of people acted to see if there was a way to get this man out of the truck and administer first aid. An operator came on the line, I explained what had happened, and she replied with a genuine thank you and informed me that someone had already called. 

I hung up the phone and walked off of the bus to see the entire picture.  In addition to this man’s truck and the bus, there were an additional four vehicles involved with the accident.  This was unfortunate but the activity of witness’ assisting was incredible.  When faced with tragedy, humankind will step up.  This I am confident.

Unfortunately, this also brings the worst out in people because once I was on a new bus, on my way to my soon to be empty apartment, traffic was bad.  When traffic is bad, tempers escalate and people become ugly.  I wish this part could be ignored, but it can’t.  We are creatures of habit.  That means that when we are affected, and our routine or plan gets changed for an unknown reason, we react.  It goes back to the basic idea of you don’t know what you don’t know because you don’t know it.  We hardly ever know the whole picture, and because of that, we need to take pause.

 Fortunately though, the people directly affected by the accident were either taken care of immediately or giving care in some sort of way.  I encourage people to take notice when in these situations.  Not only to the main action happening “on stage” but to what is going on around the action.  We all want to help, that is the truth.  We do sadly hesitate though and if we see others assisting, then we are more encouraged to throw in a hand.

Yesterday, Saturday January 15th, I had a Los Angeles exploration day.  I got thinking about how does one be the catalyst for interaction with people who normally wouldn’t interact?  We can’t get to know someone if they don’t respond to us and once they do respond to us, then we have to hold that conversation long enough for them to actually feel comfortable with us enough to share something personal and deeper than a our everyday generic conversations.

I think the key to this is basic manners.  We all know them, but we don’t always practice them.  Starting with  the most basic, please and thank you, and moving to the heavier ones like holding a door for some one or saying bless you.  It’s not a matter of religious belief, it’s a matter of manners.  I also believe that there is a weight of greatness with a polite smile.  A polite smile can identify so much about how a person is feeling and how a person can be lifted.  Not only does the person receiving the smile get a sense of greatness and belonging in them, but the person who actually gave the smile has put something amazing into the world.  I know it sounds extremely “Disney” but it does hold truth.

A prime example of this was yesterday, while I was on my day of exploration.  I needed to get my hair cut, so I went to the Super Cuts near my house and walked in for a hair cut.  We have all had customer experiences where it is just going through the motions but throw in a kind smile and a polite hello, and it will change dramatically.  This is what happened with Sandra yesterday, my hair stylist, but she gave me the polite hello.  I learned so much in our twenty-minute conversation while she cut off all of my hair. 

I learned that Sandra has a two and a half-year old son, and has been with her husband for about fourteen years; Of which, they have been married for about six of them.  I also got out of this that she had known him since they were seven years old.  How amazing to know your soul mate for at such a young age.  I then thought about who I still know from when I was seven, and then from that small list of people, they could be my soul mate.

We then got into how important her son is to her.  She mentioned that he still sleeps with them and followed it by “how hard it was to get him, that he is their pride in joy”. She said it with such subtlety that normally people wouldn’t have even recognized that comment but we were definitely listening to each other.  I got that her and her husband had been trying for so long, and probably had a lot of emotion into making a baby that by the time he finally arrived, they would do everything and more to protect him.  I suppose that feeling is how you know you are a parent.

Not only do using basic manners help with connecting with strangers, but it helps with getting to know the people around you, who you hold close to you.  I had dinner with one of my closest friends and as we were in the middle of conversation, I mis-pronounced a word and she didn’t flinch.  No mockery happened, no jabs, we just continued talking about the topic and when she had an opportunity to repeat the word correctly, she did.  This shows great sincerity in someone and if there were not level of comfort, I would have not been able to see that in her.  I am so grateful for that conversation yesterday.

Manners people: They get you so far.