Author: Gregg Potter

For the last couple weeks, I’ve been staying at my friend Dina’s house while I finish up my last month at Starbucks.  Since then, I’ve become mesmerized by this woman that rides the bus with me at about 6:30am.  She gets on the bus, says the brightest hello to the driver and continues this until she finds herself comfortable in a seat where she then continues to address the person next to her like they were childhood friends.  I can talk to pretty much everyone, and make them feel at ease when I do, but the technique that this woman displays is magnificent.  Yesterday, I finally said hello.

I learned that her name is Diane and that she is a crossing guard for a school in Westwood.  In addition to that she is going to school at night so she can become a CNA in order to make a little bit of money while the schools are closed for the summer.  She laughed when she told me because it isn’t so much that she needs the money, but just wants to have something to do.  Diane is 60 years old and she insists that in order to know she is still alive, she just wants to keep moving.  She feels that the only thing that you can do in life is keep moving forward and remember that if you’re not fighting things, then its time for a reality check.  If you’re not fighting, then you’re not challenging yourself and you’re not finding the spice of life.  You are then just living the motions of each day until you crawl into a hole.   Diane made my day that morning, and I imagine that she makes it for majority of the people who ride the bus with her…. Even if they think “Why is she always so happy?”

Today I stopped by The Cheesecake Factory to see one of my old managers.  Unfortunately he wasn’t there, but we did get a chance to meet our server.  Her name is Crystal and she is from Nashville.  She is in between her undergraduate degree and going to med school.  When I asked her why Los Angeles, she replied, “because I wanted to move somewhere with lots of different people and I wasn’t going to a cold climate”

We then got onto talking about the people of L. A. Coming from somewhere in the middle of the country, that happens to be a bit smaller than Los Angeles, one of the first things you notice is how the people act.  Some will use the word rude, but I prefer to say they like to stay in their space.  Some do come off rude and it is completely different for each person.  For Crystal, she mostly noticed it waiting tables. 

I then asked her if she had met quality people yet.  Keeping in mind she hasn’t been out here too long, she said that she had met a lot of great people, but hasn’t really found that core group.  For me personally, it sometimes happens quickly, and sometimes it doesn’t happen at all. 

She mentioned that she had lost her father not to recently and that is really how she noticed that point.  She went home for a while and was with her support system and is now back here, working through it.  Dina was with me and she could empathize because she too has gone through that loss.  I can’t comprehend going through that, even though it is life and we all eventually pass.

When I think of parents passing, I think of that episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t purposely mean to throw pop culture into this conversation, but sometimes it is relevent.  The episode that I’m thinking of is the one where George’s father passes away and the only one that can really say anything meaningful to him is Christina.  She names it the “Dead Dads Club”  and it sucks, and you never want to be in it, but when you’re in it, you’re in it.  You can only be in it, and you have to just cope. 

This post is dedicated to everyone who has lost a parent, and what it means to be in those particular clubs.  May we all meet our loved ones again some day and hope that they are at peace.

On Monday, as I was riding the bus home from work, on my way to pack the rest of my belongings to put into storage, the bus I was in was in the middle of a large accident.  We were sitting at the bus stop at a typical busy Los Angeles intersection, and all of a sudden, the bus shook.  When I looked over my shoulder, I saw that a truck had flipped and slammed up against the bus.  In the truck was an older gentlemen, trapped because the passenger side of his truck had been crushed and his side was tight, up against our bus. 

I got up immediately grabbed my phone and dialed 911.  While I was on hold, I watched as a handful of people acted to see if there was a way to get this man out of the truck and administer first aid. An operator came on the line, I explained what had happened, and she replied with a genuine thank you and informed me that someone had already called. 

I hung up the phone and walked off of the bus to see the entire picture.  In addition to this man’s truck and the bus, there were an additional four vehicles involved with the accident.  This was unfortunate but the activity of witness’ assisting was incredible.  When faced with tragedy, humankind will step up.  This I am confident.

Unfortunately, this also brings the worst out in people because once I was on a new bus, on my way to my soon to be empty apartment, traffic was bad.  When traffic is bad, tempers escalate and people become ugly.  I wish this part could be ignored, but it can’t.  We are creatures of habit.  That means that when we are affected, and our routine or plan gets changed for an unknown reason, we react.  It goes back to the basic idea of you don’t know what you don’t know because you don’t know it.  We hardly ever know the whole picture, and because of that, we need to take pause.

 Fortunately though, the people directly affected by the accident were either taken care of immediately or giving care in some sort of way.  I encourage people to take notice when in these situations.  Not only to the main action happening “on stage” but to what is going on around the action.  We all want to help, that is the truth.  We do sadly hesitate though and if we see others assisting, then we are more encouraged to throw in a hand.

Yesterday, Saturday January 15th, I had a Los Angeles exploration day.  I got thinking about how does one be the catalyst for interaction with people who normally wouldn’t interact?  We can’t get to know someone if they don’t respond to us and once they do respond to us, then we have to hold that conversation long enough for them to actually feel comfortable with us enough to share something personal and deeper than a our everyday generic conversations.

I think the key to this is basic manners.  We all know them, but we don’t always practice them.  Starting with  the most basic, please and thank you, and moving to the heavier ones like holding a door for some one or saying bless you.  It’s not a matter of religious belief, it’s a matter of manners.  I also believe that there is a weight of greatness with a polite smile.  A polite smile can identify so much about how a person is feeling and how a person can be lifted.  Not only does the person receiving the smile get a sense of greatness and belonging in them, but the person who actually gave the smile has put something amazing into the world.  I know it sounds extremely “Disney” but it does hold truth.

A prime example of this was yesterday, while I was on my day of exploration.  I needed to get my hair cut, so I went to the Super Cuts near my house and walked in for a hair cut.  We have all had customer experiences where it is just going through the motions but throw in a kind smile and a polite hello, and it will change dramatically.  This is what happened with Sandra yesterday, my hair stylist, but she gave me the polite hello.  I learned so much in our twenty-minute conversation while she cut off all of my hair. 

I learned that Sandra has a two and a half-year old son, and has been with her husband for about fourteen years; Of which, they have been married for about six of them.  I also got out of this that she had known him since they were seven years old.  How amazing to know your soul mate for at such a young age.  I then thought about who I still know from when I was seven, and then from that small list of people, they could be my soul mate.

We then got into how important her son is to her.  She mentioned that he still sleeps with them and followed it by “how hard it was to get him, that he is their pride in joy”. She said it with such subtlety that normally people wouldn’t have even recognized that comment but we were definitely listening to each other.  I got that her and her husband had been trying for so long, and probably had a lot of emotion into making a baby that by the time he finally arrived, they would do everything and more to protect him.  I suppose that feeling is how you know you are a parent.

Not only do using basic manners help with connecting with strangers, but it helps with getting to know the people around you, who you hold close to you.  I had dinner with one of my closest friends and as we were in the middle of conversation, I mis-pronounced a word and she didn’t flinch.  No mockery happened, no jabs, we just continued talking about the topic and when she had an opportunity to repeat the word correctly, she did.  This shows great sincerity in someone and if there were not level of comfort, I would have not been able to see that in her.  I am so grateful for that conversation yesterday.

Manners people: They get you so far.